I love getting new friends so just comment here and we shall go from there!

I am heading off to work, on new years eve, blaaarrggghhhh. I am going to bring in the new year serving people champagne and yummy food.

Such is life.

I have been thinking about applying to colleges out of state. I don't know why I never really considered this before. Yes, it would be a lot more money, but I think it would be worth it to get away. Getting away is exactly what I need. Sure it will be hard to be far away from my family but I know I can handle that, especially since I will have been living with them for 18 years plus the first two years of college. I thrive on change so I think that might be the best solution for me. Of course I still have to wait until I finish my associates at community college. I am aiming high too. The colleges I have thought about are:

-Syracuse University
-Sarah Lawrence college
-UCLA
-NYU
-And I have no idea where else yet, I know I probably won't be able to go to any of those schools, but I have always been one to aim high, much to high, haha. I am also considering a school in south or North Carolina. I am an east coast girl so I am not so sure about going to UCLA or anything else out there.

I am also thinking about Georgetown, even if that isn't out of state. It would still be a good school to go to, plus I have guaranteed admission there from my current school.

This is all just ideas. Who knows what will actually happen.

I seem to be having some difficulties.

This is it.

My life is going to start. I am tired of waiting for something to happen. I realized if I don't change something I am going to be one of those people that grow old and have nothing to show for it. I want to have so many memories that I can't begin to share them. I have always known I was meant to do something with my life, and I am. I am not going to take the easy way and just sit through life while nothing happens. I realized that I can embrace my problems because in order to have an interesting life you have to be a little crazy.

So tomorrow is christmas, or I guess today technically, by 11 mins. Well, Happy Christmas!

Today was weird. Kind of, not an interesting weird though. I didn't really do much I had off of work thank goodness. I just hung out at home. My boss texted me and told me to come into the restaurant to get my gift. I was kind of hoping she wouldn't get me anything because I didn't get her anything but she did, oh well, I appreciate it. So I drove to work and she wasn't there and my other boss was upstairs so I drove all the way there and got nothing out of it. But I plan on going in on friday so maybe then.

Every year my family tries to open presents on Christmas Eve, which is something I do not like to do. As usual this year was no different but I started feeling like a brat for refusing to, so I gave in. It was ok..I didn't really get much but I don't really care. My sister got an ipod touch though and it is freaking awesome. I am not going to lie I am pretty jealous, haha.

Other than that, not much happened today. My ex boyfriend did text me and that was...annoying. He seriously will not leave me alone, still, after I had to yell at him to stop calling me. He just said Merry Christmas, but still I don't want any contact with him. He was just so pathetic and clingy and he obviously has not gotten over any of that.

Well, I hope everyone is having a good holiday!

I am in a really good mood right now. Do not really know why, but who cares? haha.

I had my sociology final this morning and I am so happy that class is over. Then I went home and watched the end of Becoming Jane on HBO; I really love that movie, it is so sad but it also makes me somewhat happy for some reason.

Now I am just hanging out at home until 5 when I have work, not so happy about that, but I do need money, so it is what it is.

Tomorrow I have my history final and that is all! School will be over until Jan. 12! Yay. Then I start all my new horrible classes, ugh, but I will worry about that later. haha.

There is something wrong with my right knee. I already have horrible knees and I dislocated my left one a year ago, it was horrible. But now my right knee has been hurting so bad, when I walk especially, it is severe pain so I am thinking I need to go see the orthopedic doctor. Hopefully nothing happens to it cause that would be very, very bad.

Well that seems to be all I have to say for now.

I am tired of holding everything in. I cannot stay sane to the outside world with all this in me. So here I go, unleashing everything.

I just feel like giving up.

I do not want friends, money, a car, a job, school, or anything anymore. I am SO tired of everything. I am over trying to make life work. It's not working and I obviously cannot fix it. I am so over all of the bullshit. I am over trying to get though school. I am over working at a job where I have to be a fake to everyone in order to make money. I am over not making money at said job.

I just want it all to end! I have hit my all time low and I don't even want to get back up. I feel selfish, useless, and hypocritical. I want to lay down in my bed put the covers over my face and go to sleep and forget very single thing.

Oh and I feel ridiculous for this as well. I am not looking for attention or pity. I just do not have anyone to talk to about anything so I have to take it out on something.

So apparently my parents talk crap about me behind my back all the time. I expected they did some I guess but I suppose it was naive of me to think they never did. I guess I don't do enough and I need to start acting like an adult. Well, I am freaking trying but having your parents treat you like you are 12 years old makes that kind of hard. When it comes to things like going out or moving out or whatever I am not old enough, but when I am confused about what to do about something and I call my mom for help I am acting like a child and need to grow up. ugh wtf ever. If thats really what they want I won't go to her for anything. Just when I was starting to feel close enough to finally tell her some things I have been struggling with, well that is completely gone. I will update more later on. I am just so pissed at everything right now.

I completely dislike myself sometimes, especially how I react to things and other things I do. I don't know why I am this way and I wish I could change it. I just feel so freaking selfish. I don't deserve anything, especially friends. I just need to be alone for the rest of my life and then maybe I won't care about who I am.

In case you did not notice I am feeling sad for myself. Just one of the selfish things I do.

I had a really good day too.

My best friend is coming tomorrow! I am so excited! I have to get up really early to pick her up from the airport though, but it is so worth it! haha. YAY!!!!!

April 16, 2007- The day of the Virginia Tech shootings. I remember hearing about it and not even believing it. This day sticks out to me because I live close to VA Tech and about a quarter of each graduating class goes there every year.

Of course the most memorable day would be 9/11. I was in 5th grade and I had just gotten home from school. I lived in Germany at the time so the time was ahead from what it was on the East coast. I was upstairs in my room and my dad called me downstairs. I remember thinking oh gosh what does he want. Then when I got down there he was watching the news and he told me to watch with him. I didn't know what to think. Then we went over to a family friends house and our parents were all together talking and my friends and I were talking about it upstairs. I will always clearly remember this day.

Ohhhhmygod, tomorrow or today technically, saturday, is going to be horrible and extraordinarily long. I got a speeding ticket a few months ago and I paid the $150 and thought I was done with it for good. How wrong I was. Apparently the money just was not enough, I have to spend an entire saturday, 8 hours in a driving class. I am so dreading it :(

In much better news, my best friend surprised me on wednesday morning by calling me and telling me she would be here on tuesday! I am soooo excited, she moved to Georgia in August and I have missed her so much. She will be here for a week and staying with me! I am so happy about this!

My family got a new TV today! It is a 52" flat screen and it is so pretty! Tonight we watched Sweeny Todd on blue ray DVD and it was such amazing picture. Sweeny Todd was pretty good, but I was not as impressed by it as most other people I know.

Today at work I had this really weird table that was nice but wanted to change everything on the menu, I mean everything and then they didn't like anything, it was just weird. haha. Then they left and I was clearing their table and their son came back in and asked me out. I really was not attracted to him plus I have no interest in guys at the moment, but as usual I didn't want to be mean and I did not know what to say so I just gave him my number and said maybe we could hang out sometime. Now I am shunning my phone. I always get myself into this situation. I will feel bad if I ignore him but I also have no interest in dating or whatever. I really do not want to stress over this but of course I am. haha. Any ideas of what to do? I don't want to make the same mistakes I have made in the past in this exact situation. My life is like a broken record I swear, haha.
Well, that is all for now, I should go to sleep since I have to wake up early tomorrow :( Blaaaaaaaaah.

I hate when people move while growing up one time and think it is the worst thing ever to happen. I understand how hard it is, especially when you are in middle or high school, but seriously one time being the new kid really is not that bad. I don't know maybe I am being to harsh, or bitchy but its how I feel. I have expierienced being the new kid far to many times. I started four different schools in one year. That was in middle school then I started high school at a new school. I just have a lot of bad memories from all those years it was very hard to go through and I just get aggravated when people complain about how their lives were ruined when they had to move once and start a new school once. Moving so much made me who I am today and I still struggle with some issues because of it. I keep my mouth shut when people complain about it to me so thats why I am taking it out on my LJ.

I know there are people out there who have moved far more times than I, so sorry for being the exact person I am complaining about. haha. I have been the new kid a total of 8 times. I know it could be a lot more and for that I am slightly thankful. haha.

I have sooooooo much homework to do and I of course am procrastinating until the very last minute. Oh well. I guess I will start it tomorrow. hahaha.

I just bought a bunch of itunes :) but thats kinda bad cause I can't stop buying them.

I want to go to..




Amsterdam

and back to...



London. This is the tower bridge, its weird most people including me up to about two years ago think this is the famous London bridge, but it is not. The London bridge is actually kinda disappointing and boring.

one last place...



Russia! Such cool architecture! haha.

This relates to my last entry:

Tonight I had to work and I had only two tables all night :( Anyways, one of my tables was two people, a man and a women. They both ordered the same thing. I bring the food out and go to the kitchen. I then hear the women speaking very loudly. So I go out to see what's going on and apparently what the man got was not what he ordered (They are wrong). The women is still speaking very loudly practically yelling saying "This is not what he ordered..Why aren't you mad? don't accept this food!" the guy is like whatever I'll eat it but she is still insisting he not accept it. He says it is alright and eats it. This was so embarresing. I had another table right next to theirs and I hate having to apologize and take fault for something I did not do. It is just so weird cause I KNOW he ordered what I gave him. ugh. whatever. The guy left me a good tip, about 21%!

Of course my only other table left me like 8%, which was ridiculous bc everyhting went great with them..This is why I hate being a server..

Well I have worked in resturaunts for a while, and thats a little off topic for this question, but whatever, haha. I have not had to many "bad" customers in my current job but in the last place I worked people used to yell at me all the time because the food sucked. They would go balistic on me and literally screaml at me. It was always really annoying because I don't make food, I was a server. I have also had this really rude table once and they left me two pennies as a tip. This was extremely aggravating, bc they could have just left nothing. I was so close to wlking out and throwing the pennies at them or saying "you forgot this"..but I didn't.

Of course the biggest customer wronging would be when people leave bad tips. As a server I get paid nothing. I literally do not get a paycheck so when I have people leaving me 5% tips I get really pissed. Always leave 20% or more unless they did a horrible job and did absolutely nothing right, and I mean nothing.

Ohhhhhh my goooooosh.

Blaaaaaaaahgagagagaggahahahaakakalalalalalala.

Alright, I am so tired of everything. I just wish I could hurry up and get my associates degree so that I can transfer to a "real" college. I hate Nvcc (Northern Virginia Community College). Hopefully I will like the Annandale campus better which I will be taking two classes at next semester. It can't be worse than Mannassas even if it will take me an hour or longer to drive there :( See, this is why I want to leave community college asap. I don't want to have to drive for 40 min. to an hour to get to the campus. Also it will be nice to finally leave the stupid little town I live in now. I just want to get away from here and all the stupid people who seem to keep popping up in my life.

Work has not been to bad, but it still sucks. It has been incredible slow. I hate that I rely on other people for my income. I want to go to work and know no matter what I will make a decent amount of money. But being a waitress does not allow this.

I sure do have a lot to complain about and this is just the tip of the ice burg.

Lets see what else???

The semester is almost over, thank god. Although this also means lots of work, which I have not motivation to do. I have so much to do but I will of course procrastinate.

I don't really feel like typing out the rest of my pitiful existence at the moment, so I will return later on in the week. I am sure you are all so excited! haha.

Sometimes I feel crazy...ok most of the time, haha :)

Seriously though, sometimes my thoughts just go so fast and it feels so weird. I don't know why this happens but it's not very fun, it makes me feel like I have no control. Its like I have all these pictures and noises flashing through my mind really fast. This sounds weird and it is probably nothing, but I couldn't ever tell anyone in my "real" life about this, at least not in detail. I am suppose to be sane and normal in my family so it's not allowed out.

I am sick :( and its just getting worse..blaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhh..thats my sick noise..apparently..